Collaborators Inc.

Every day, divorcing parents face the difficult decisions about how to best care for their children  now and the future.  This decision-making is usually happening at the family's most vulnerable time. 

 

For clients who have come to the decision that there are no other alternatives than to divorce , I consult with clients regarding the options available to them.  So often people faced with divorce have spoken to friends, family, and anyone who has a thought about how to proceed in a divorce situation.  Generally, the first divorce professional to get involved is the "DIVORCE ATTORNEY".  It is difficult for many clients to even gather themselves (and their retainers) to go see a lawyer.  I believe that there are many roads to divorce, and the path is complex; having a place to sort through the options BEFORE HAND is essential.  I offer clients the opportunity to identify the options at hand and a means to identify what path feels right to them without the pressure of signing up- or disqualifying their spouse from engaging with the firm that you've gone to visit.

 

OPTIONS:

 

In Illinois, standard litigation and mediation and collaboration are the primary options.   There are benefits to each model and clients need to assess their choices before taking any action.  Clients can actually choose to represent themselves in a pro se divorce.  Each option has its benefits and drawbacks.  Having an orientation to the process, the terminology, and procedures alone is invaluable.  These elements save from future stress, panic, and outrage at the unfolding of YOUR divorce.

 

Models:

 

Litigation:  Litigation is the traditional legal model that employs the attorney as the "advocate" for the client's interests.  The Litigator champions the cause of the clients and fights to assure the goals of the client get met.  In this model, communication is less direct, but clients feel they have someone looking out for them.  My bias as a mental health practitioner is that this option CAN leave the divorce as a substantial life event that happens to the client (victim) and results in decision-making that is hampered by indirect communications and not conscious informed decision-making.  What I tell clients is that "you could wake up one day not even knowing 'why' the agreements were made and 'how' you chose the options that you have to live with.  Instead, "My lawyer told me that if we just do this, it will be over, and I just want it done".!!  Three years down the road, those experiences often lead to post-decree litigation.  Hey, I know, let's have two divorces, or just one big ugly one that never ends....".

 

To be fair, there are lawyers (and I know some of them) who litigate and mediate and collaborate who in every process are mindful, attentive and respectful of YOUR needs and will do right by you.  Truth be told, there are sitations in which a divorcing spouse needs a David to meet Goliath.  There are expectations made of clients who choose mediation and collaboration that may feel alien or impossible to rise to.  In those situations, it would be unreasonable to choose those options.  It's best to KNOW what lies ahead.

 

Mediation:   Mediation is another path that involves both clients meeting with a trained professional who will guide them through the necessary elements to complete a divorce.  The clients will resolve parenting and custody discussions, and complex financial discussions with the assistance of a neutral third party who acts to facilitate the resolution of the process.  That mediator whether from a mental health background or legal one, cannot represent the clients' interests in any legal proceeding.  I recommend that both parties employ independent legal counsel to review the agreements and draft the legal marital settlement contract to assure that their agreements are generally consistent with Illinois family law guidelines and that the agreement will not be found unconscionable by the presiding judge.   Sometimes lawyers and mental health professionals join to co-mediate cases, especially when there is high conflict present.  Though it seems more costly to have two mediators rather than one, the streamlining of the process and cooling of tempers in the negotiation make for a more expedient and less costly process over all.  I am one of those providers who joins forces with attorneys who build effective teams to met the clients at their level of need.

 

Collaboration:  Collaborative Law typically involves a team process that employs professionals who are trained in helping clients develop an agreement that meets their needs through a future-focused process of interest- based negotiations.  Clients are able to test their assertions about what will be required for themselves and their children in real time prior to "signing off" on an agreement and have the space to implement ideas that become very creative solutions to very personal sets of needs and family focused issues.  The "Law" is de-emphasized as a tool (weapon-agent of change) in your negotiation, and the focus shifts to YOUR FAMILY and YOUR NEEDS as a family (or partnership).  Two ex spouses who agree on how to parent together in the future, have greater success as parents and pass on LESS emotional strain to the kids.

 

Again, the team approach seems cumbersome and costly to some, but the team is constructed around the identified needs of the clients and the outcomes that are generated are more durable and achieved in a more timely, mutual, and conscious manner than in the other models. 

 

I provide collaborative divorce coaching for clients in any model of divorce because knowing where you are and how it works makes sense.  I provide child specialist work helping parents develop realistic and developmentally conscious parenting agreements.  I provide mediation mostly in joint co-mediation with attorneys and financial neutrals to address the complex financial arrangements that need careful consideration.  I help clients work together to mitigate the negative impact that divorce can have on families and their children.  

 

I believe that clients in collaboration and mediation are better able to control the costs and can create unique and lasting outcomes specific to their family.  Parents also develop the necessary skills to interact more effectively to create a more cooperative parenting relationship. 

 

Feel free to call for more information.  Schedule is by Appointment only.